If you’ve been following the series, you know a little bit about our plans for our own wedding. If you haven’t and your interested, you can read them here:How we Developed Our Wedding Vision, Finding a Wedding Dress, Choosing the Madhatters, and To Tent or Not to Tent. In this post, I want to talk about what to do when you realize you can’t please everyone. I’ll start by sharing some of our own experiences.
Essentially, we always envisioned a small intimate celebration. To start the day, we knew we wanted to be surrounded by only our immediate family and very closest friends. It just seems more special to us to have the people who are in our everyday life. I don’t mean that we see those people every single day, but chances are we at least talk to them once a week or make a point of getting together with them each month (being an adult is busy right?). They’re the people we have dinner parties and gatherings with. It’s not that we don’t love or think the rest of our family is special, we are SO grateful to both have such amazing families and because of that we can’t just add one aunt who might want to come to the ceremony or a friend that we’ve had since high school yet we don’t really see anymore- because we all know what kind of tangled web that spins.
We also wanted to emphasize the party part of the celebration, because what better way to celebrate? We envisioned beautiful, locally sourced charcuterie displays and so many of them that no one would be hungry. We saw people gathering around with energy to chat (wine in hand) with family members they haven’t seen in a while or possibly to even make a new friend. We also imagined those same people getting out on the dance floor and busting a move to our carefully curated band. What we didn’t imagine was stuffing people so full of banquet style food… you know (bread, then soup, then pasta, then your entree, then salad, then dessert) and then expecting them to not be too full to want to move!
But the thing is, and here is the point of this story, you can’t please everyone. You can’t possibly meet everyone’s expectations and some people expect that 5-course meal that leaves them feeling so full they can’t get up! I was recently telling one of our guests about our plans and I could literally see the disappointment come across their face. While they didn’t say anything negative, it was all in the look. And you know what? That left me feeling like we had to do more. That everything we had planned, wasn’t enough. All because of one look.
Can you imagine that? Having someone that you love, and who loves you back, being disappointed about how you choose to celebrate this huge milestone in your own life. It’s not just a personal choice that is keeping our wedding on the small, casual side. It’s also the fact that we have a lot of big spend milestones also happening this year that we have to save for and on top of that we want to take an amazing honeymoon to celebrate the fact that we just got married! Is that selfish? I don’t think so.
The even crazier thing about all of this is that that person making a big stink (or maybe just silent stink-face), doesn’t actually care. Take “someone I know” for example. She didn’t get invited to a wedding and she went on about it (just to us, not to the bride or her family) and my response to that was “So, you don’t even want to go.” and her response was ” I know’. So she wasn’t invited to a wedding that she didn’t want to go to… there shouldn’t be a problem, right? And you know if she did get an invitation, she’d be complaining that she had to go to the wedding. I’m literally sitting here laughing at the ridiculousness of this situation because you can’t please everyone. You can’t please everyone. How many people actually like sitting through the ceremony. A few romantics probably, but I can’t honestly see any of my friends or family members who just loves going to the weddings for the ceremony. The ceremony seals the deal and the celebration comes afterward.
The moral of this story is, you do you boo. While you should always put the guest experience at the top of your priority list, it doesn’t mean the guests get to dictate what type of experience you’re going to give them. Fill their tummies with something delicious, never let anyone leave hungry, make sure everyone who wants one has a buzz, and do what you can to keep the energy of the party at full capacity.
Woah, that was a lot. Let me know if you are currently, or have gone through a similar situation during your wedding planning in the comments below OR send me a message if you need help with anything, even just help with making a decision to do your own, out of the box thing.
Ps. if you need help unleashing your inner badass, read this book. Like go and order it and read it right now. My perspective on SO many things and way to handle situations or even just the way I work has completely shifted.
Friends, if there is one book I could recommend to you right now, it’s “You are a Badass” by Jen Sincero. My friend and mentor Rhiannon Bosse started a Rhi Reads “book club”, if you will and You are a Badass was first on her list of reads. I’ve seen it a few times and thought about purchasing it but for some reason never did. I’m so grateful Rhi’s suggestion pushed me to make the purchase!
This book truly changed my perspective on life. “You are a Badass” is listed as a “self-help” book, which I used to think was a bunch of hooey. I mean, ask the universe for it and it will magically show up? Ya right…
The thing is, this book is so much more than that. While it does follow the principles of “ask and you shall receive”, visualization, affirmations, meditation, etc. It’s not a book about just hoping for something and all of a sudden it will appear. These methods are meant to broaden your horizon, open your awareness and give you a new perspective on the world. The Author also delivers these messages in the most no non-sense way.
The author even admits that she too used to think these methods were absurd. She’s very straightforward about the approach and essentially gives you the tools to believe in yourself, believe in a higher power (whatever that looks like to you) and that your individual potential is endless.
To break it down the author talks about:
- Self-perception and how loving yourself and telling your self why you’re awesome (through affirmations), breaks down all of the bad habits you subconsciously picked up when you were younger.
- Finding your purpose, big or small. What are you here for?
- Following your fantasies and being “you” even when it seems like you’re alone in your tribe.
- The power of gratitude and how it changes your entire perspective on the world.
- How to get over your excuses. You’re too busy, too tired, etc. the author runs through a list of how to recognize your excuses for essentially not making awesome shit happen.
- What triggers procrastination within yourself and how to get past the fear or chase for perfection, and just start.
- How to properly set a goal. The author says it’s because you haven’t truly made the decision to change. You’ve told your mind you’ll “try”. Using the word “try” is a way of making you feel ok about failing your goal… “well, I tried.” She states that if you’ve truly made the decision to change something, you’ll work hard are what needs to be done to change it. If you really want to get more things done in a day you will make the conscious decision to get out of bed earlier every morning. If you really want to lose 20 pounds you’ll make sure you change your eating habits and you get to the gym. If you don’t commit to doing those things, you haven’t really made the decision to change, you’re only thinking about it.
- How to get past your issues with money.
I found this book to be the perfect kick in the pants. It was motivating in all the right ways. I would recommend this book to anyone who runs a business (of any kind) so you can learn how to live in your full potential or to anyone who has a big goal or wants a lifestyle change, or even just a more positive outlook on the world or their life. Don’t read this book if you’re not open to new ideas and thought processes. Read it if you want to open yourself up to your full potential.
If you’re debating this book, go get it right now. Literally right now. The link is here (and its $6 cheaper on Amazon, plus if you have Amazon Prime, 2-day shipping is free- hooray!)
I’m always excited to start a new series on the blog but I’m even more excited about this one because I get to take my love for weddings and my love for fashion and blend them together to create a Wedding Style Roundup.
Wedding Style plays a huge part in the overall theme of your day, even if we’re just talking about personal accessories. The way you are dressed and styled for your wedding will set the tone as soon as guests see you walk down the aisle, and your wedding style will be captured in all of your photos.
My favourite earrings right now are these Stella and Dot Fringe Tassel Earrings. We used them in our most recent photo shoot and they were everything. My friend Paula is a stylist with Stella and Dot and she was gracious enough to lend these to us. They are just the right amount of simplicity yet statement piece.
I’m super duper in love with this incredible floral necklace. It’s not for the weak of heart as it will certainly make a statement, but for brides who are looking for a little more bang when it comes to their wedding jewellery, this floral necklace would be the perfect wedding style.
This Esme bracelet, also by Stella and Dot, is the perfect accompaniment to the floral necklace above. Though they aren’t technically the same set, it mirrors the necklace so well. Again, if your wedding style is a little bolder, check it out!
Browse these pieces and many more at Stella and Dot
I love the way a new year feels like a fresh start. While there may not be a significant or instant change from one day to the next, the beginning of a new year feels free, making the possibilities endless. How great of a feeling is it to feel like you can do anything, set goals and create an action plan to follow it?
My December goal was centered around productivity and my while my current goals for 2018 are still very productivity-focused, there is a little more long-term thinking involved in them. Each year I follow Lara Casey’s goal setting series. One of the things Lara has us do is pick a word for the year (or season that you’re currently in). Right up until the moment I started writing this post I thought I would continue with “productive” being my word for the year, however I felt a shift towards using the word “grounded”. The word “grounded” is about feeling centered and balanced as I I reach for each one of my goals this year. 2018 will lead to big life changes. Jordan and I will be getting married and we have a big business and personal adventure on the horizon that will surely need me to stay grounded throughout.
Here is a glimpse at a few of the goals I’m focusing on:
One: Healthy Eating and Living
I know that everyone says they are going to change their diet and exercise each time the new year hits so don’t roll your eyes at me here! Jordan and I frequently do periods of Paleo eating, but this time I’d like to plan for a longer time, if not complete lifestyle change. That’s a huge goal, really. While I find dinners easy enough to make Paleo, I sometimes struggle with what to eat if I’m out running around and need something quick or if I’m in the groove with work in the morning, I find it tough to give myself time to go make an actual breakfast. With that being said, I’m setting out to meal plan what we will eat in advance. I know my friend Rhi precuts all her veggies for her breakfast and lunches, etc, so I may have to try that too!
I also want to be more consistent with Yoga and the gym. Yoga in itself is grounding. The way I feel after a practice is mentally invigorating. Not only does my body get a good stretch and tone, my mind does as well. With that being said, I do want to get back into strength training at the gym as well, even if I just get there once or twice a week.
I’ll totally admit that part of the why for this goal is vanity but it’s also very much about feeling good, healthy and strong.
Two: Household Budgeting
I think having a budget of some sort always ends up in my goal posts, but this is a goal I want to stick with and it does point to my word “grounded”. Jordan and I have talked about setting up our joint account, and now I’m making it a priority. My goal for us as a household this year, is to have our wedding paid off without debt and to also pay off a good chunk of previous loans/cars, etc.
My big business adventure I mentioned above is going to require a lot of dedication on the back-end side of things. That means planning out my social media posts each month, committing to blogging, writing my newsletter each month (which you can sign up for here), and actively promoting what I do without being “salesy” or pushy.
Each of my goals for this year are 100% big picture goals that will help shape the ideal lifestyle we see for ourselves in the near and the far future.
What is your “word” for the year? Have you set any goals? I would LOVE for you to share them with me in the comments below!
Happy January, or what the wedding industry likes to call “engagement season”. You may have noticed that you’re not the only ones posting your happy news to Facebook and Instagram, and that’s because it’s the season to get engaged. One of the complaints I most often hear from couples is the lack of wedding vendor communication they receive. They email a vendor and it either takes days to hear back or sometimes it’s never. Truthfully, there are a lot of vendors who slack on communication, whether is busy-ness or laziness, and sometimes the culprit is not the vendor, but actually a very eager client. With that being said, here are a few tips to handle the situation with grace and how to know if it’s you or them!
I know the common misconception is that in the “off-season” we are all slow business-wise. While we may not have as many weddings as we do in other seasons, we do still work winter weddings. We also run a business which means we are never not working on something. Add a constant wave of emails and inquires and you can see why it might take a little time to respond.
Weekends are essentially a write-off for most wedding vendors. If they are not working a wedding, they are taking that time off with their own family or to get things done in their personal life. If you do email someone over the weekend and they don’t respond, don’t freak out. Give them until Monday to get back to you.
Some services, like Decor for example actually work all weekend long Friday- Sunday on set up and tear down. They often take Mondays off just so they have a single day off in the week.
Give a little grace when communicating with vendors. We are all busy humans and we, just like you, strive to do it all and to the best of our abilities.
When to follow up
If you sent an email, and you haven’t heard back within 3 business days, you should absolutely follow up! Sometimes emails don’t send, sometimes they get pushed to the very bottom of our inboxes and we haven’t gotten to yours yet, and sometimes certain vendors need a reminder that you are interested in them.
Speaking more on the last point there, some vendors are really good at their “job” but they suck at running a business. That’s the cold hard truth. I don’t think it means you should write them off if you really love their work. That’s why you should always send that follow up. If they still are not getting in touch with you and they are not a must-have vendor for you, move on.
With that being said, if you are absolutely in love with a certain venue or vendor’s work and you can’t get them to respond, give them a call or even try reaching out on their social media outlets.
I personally could not imagine leaving a couple without a response for that period of time. Personally, if I had followed up once and they didn’t respond I’d likely move on. If they can’t even be on top of things enough to make the sale and get yours business, they are likely not going to get back to you in a timely manner once you are a client.
Communication During Your Planning
Maybe you had a great initial experience with your vendor but now that you’ve started planning they seem disorganized or are telling you what you want to hear but you’re not sure they will deliver. I can’t stress enough that you need to put everything in writing. Keep notes, stay organized and on top of your details. If you meet in person or you speak over the phone, jot down the important things and send an email to confirm what you talked about. This way if they say “I never agreed to that”, or “I don’t remember that conversation” or “no that’s not something we do” when it comes down to the delivery, you can go back to your emails and confirm that it was talked about and on what date etc.
Don’t leave us Hanging
We totally get that we aren’t a great fit for every inquiry we get, and that’s ok! But please do all of us vendors a favor and just let us know if you’ve decided to move ahead with someone else, especially if we take time out of the day to follow up with you. A simple “Thank you so much for following up, but we’ve decided to go in a different direction,” is the perfect quick response. If you really did love what we offered but something prevented you from hiring us or a competitor offered something you couldn’t say no to, we’d really appreciate you giving us feedback. We are all small business’s and every client we are able book gives us the ability to continue to pour love into our services and offer our expertise to the world. If there is a specific reason you didn’t choose us, knowing why helps us to keep a handle on the market and how we can make an impact.