Category Archives: Wedding Etiquette

Niagara Wedding Planner| Engagement Party or Stag and Doe?

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When it comes to weddings, there are so many pre-wedding activities, it can be confusing for what we should participate in. Firstly we need to keep in mind that as happy as others are to celebrate with us, most pre-wedding events come with gift or money spending of some kind. In order to keep your guests pockets heavy, stick to just a few activities.

stag and doe rules

What is an engagement party?

An engagement party is a nice way to celebrate with your close friends and family soon after you become engaged. It’s also a nice way to meet your partners extended family that you may not have had a chance to meet yet.  It is usually a casual to formal affair. The bride’s parents traditionally host the party, but other close friends or relatives could do so as well. In return for the hospitality, and in congratulations for the couple, guests will bring a gift for the soon-to-be bride and groom.

What is a stag and doe?

A stag and doe is more or less a fundraiser. The bride, groom and wedding party sell tickets to the party where they provide free food and liquor tickets at a cost. There are also prizes to be raffled to be won with tickets that are purchased. The goal of a stag and doe is to help raise money for the bride and groom to put towards their wedding.

A stag and doe can be a controversial topic, as it does not follow the rules of etiquette. You are after all asking your guests to attend a party they have to pay for. In my opinion, (and this could be because it’s a typical thing to have a stag and doe in this area) it is okay to have a stag and doe. I understand how it goes against the rule and can be seen as “tacky” but with so many people throwing stag and does, it has become the norm.

Can you have an engagement party if you plan on throwing a stag and doe?

While there are no rules against this, I would strongly advise not to. You should pick between one or the other. It becomes a lot for people to keep attending more parties where they give you money or gifts.

How should you choose?

Ask yourselves these questions:

  1. What do we need more? Money to help with the wedding, or objects we can use in our household?
  2. What kind of feel do we want to portray to our guests? Do you want a classy more elegant party, or do you want the party to be more fun and full of people drinking?
  3. What type of friends and family will you have coming to the wedding? What will they enjoy more?

 

In the end, it is your wedding. You should feel free to do what you want. Do what is right for you.

Niagara Falls Wedding Packages | Wedding Etiquette: A Guide to Thank You Notes

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wedding planner niagaraHave you ever been to a wedding (or shower, or gift giving party) where you didn’t recieve a recieve a thank you note? It’s not too common as most people know this simple etiquette rule, but I have. It’s not a nice feeling when you spend hours looking for the perfect gift for someone, so perfect that you even go over your budget a little to get them this gift, and then you don’t get a personalized thank you afterwards.

I touched on this subject during one of my last wedding etiquette posts, but I want to go a little further into detail with this one.

1. You should send your thank you notes out within 3 months of your wedding date. Your guests know you are busy and likely were away on a honey moon. When things get settled, sit down and get organized.

2. Personally thank each person for the gifts you have recieved. ”Dear______, thank you so much for the toaster, we look so forward to making toast with it each morning. “

3. Tell each person what you will do with the gift you received (see above). If you recieve cash, tell them what you will do with it, if you don’t know yet, make something useful up.

Those are the simple rules to follow when sending a thank you note, but who should recieve one?

  • Anyone who attended your wedding, shower, or engagement party with a gift or money should recieve a personalized note.You bridal party.
  • Don’t forget to include a personalized note to some of your closest friends. It’s not always an easy job to be in a wedding party, so make sure your sincere thank-you’s are known.
  • Anyone who hosted a shower or party for you.
  • Anyone who housed or entertained your wedding guests while in town.
  • Vendors, if they do a job at or above your expectations.
  • Whoever hosted your wedding.

From Emily Post

Niagara Wedding Planning | Wedding Etiquette: Wedding Registry Guideline

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If you saw Britta’s recent post about her wedding registering process, you may be wondering what the proper etiquette for registering is. Do you have to register? What if you only want cash? What if you don’t want gifts at all? Below is a guideline to refer to when it comes time to register for your gifts.how to wedding registry

What is a wedding registry?

A wedding registery is simply a wish list of items you and your fiance would like to recieve as gifts. Stores have their own registry system, and a lot of the big chains have an online version so you can simply click and add to your list, or simply buy online as well. The Bay has a good online registery because it comes with pictures as well.

Where to register?

Decide what items you and your fiance will need or want to have for your new home together. Then decide what stores will sell those items and see if they have a registry system. It’s good to keep chain stores in mind so even if your guests are coming from another city, they can still purchase something off of your wedding registry.

Should we include my registry information in our wedding invitation?

In terms of etiquette, no. It is not proper to include registry information in your wedding invitation. You can however add a serparate slip of paper with your “wedding website” information and include the registry information on there. While it is traditionally not proper to include your registry information in your shower invitations, new age etiquette says why not? The whole point of a shower is to give and recieve gifts, so including your information in your invites likely won’t offend anyone.

If we are not including my registry information in my invitation, how do people know where we are registered?

Word of mouth. Make sure your parents and grandparents as well as your bridal party know where you are registered. If people want to buy you a gift from your registry, they will ask around to find out.

What items should we include in our registry?
This is where you get to have fun. Choose a wide variety of items with low to high prices that you need or want. Some people may want to purchase just a few small items and give those to you with a cash gift. Others may want to pitch in with other people to get you a big ticket item. You may feel that some of your items are ridiculous, but if they are something you either need or would really like to have, someone may surprise you by purchasing it. The key is to keep a list with lots of choices for people with different budgets and gift giving styles.

What if we only want cash?

Still register. You can’t properly request to only have cash given as a wedding gift. You will highly offend your guests by doing so. For example, I am a huge gift giver, I love to give gifts, I spend lot’s of time finding the perfect something for the recipient, if someone told me I could only give cash, that would offend me. Some people who are very close to you will want to spend the time finding something personal for you, it would be very rude to tell them to give you cash, which is the most impersonal gift you can give.

We already have a house, we don’t need gifts so we aren’t going to register, is this okay?

You should register anyways. Even if you tell people not to bring gifts, some people may not feel right not giving you a gift. Instead of recieving a bunch of gifts you have no use for, save everyone the hassle by registering for a few gifts that you would actually like to recieve.

Niagara Falls Wedding Packages | Tips for Tipping

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Tipping has always been, and probably always will be a touchy subject. When it comes to your wedding, you are already shelling out tons of money, so who are you expected to tip on top of that and how much?

I read a great post on a guide to tipping that I wanted to share. Before I do, keep in mind that a tip is a token of appreciation for a job well done. No vendor expects a tip. There is a ton of controversy when it comes to vendors who own their own business. Ignore that. We don’t set our prices to factor in a tip, it’s not about what you give us as a tip, it’s the fact that you thought about a little something extra for all of our hard work. With that being said here is a tipping guide written by A Paper Proposal.

For a whole other take on tips see this Bitchless Bride article (not for the faint at heart).

Niagara Weddings | Wedding Etiquette: The “Am I invited?”

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weddings in niagara

You all know the question I’m talking about. The “am I invited?” Well that was very forward of you, and pretty rude too. I guess some people don’t think of asking the question as being rude, just conversation. There are however some people who will ask you to make you feel guilty about not inviting them. Don’t let that guilt change your decision if you have chosen not to invite them.

To respond to a question like this, tell them the truth (in a nice way). If they will for sure be invited, of course tell them so. If you are undecided, tell them you have to sit down with your fiance and whoever else might have an input on your wedding before you can work out the guest list details.

Whatever you do, stick to your budget. If you can’t squeeze in that guest and stay within budget then don’t allow them to pressure you into it.  If you really do want to invite them and other friends but you can’t, consider hosting a cocktail party instead of  a sit down meal to lower the price per meal.

Niagara Wedding Planner- 8 Etiquette Faux-Pas’s

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When it comes to wedding etiquette, some rules are common sense while others are “traditional” rules that can be modernized or broken. There are however, rules that you should always follow. No the etiquette police are not going to come and arrest you, but you may deeply offend your guests or send them home with a very negative feeling.

8. Not serving enough food.

Do not let your guests go home hungry. While most wedding meals have numerous courses, some people choose to do cocktail food instead. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with a cocktail reception instead of a big meal, but ensure that there is enough to fill everyone up! Although it is traditionally finger food served, these are being served as the main meal, not the appetizer course. Also, make sure that if you are a super adventurous eater, you still provide your guests with some classics. For example, even though you are a vegan, it doesn’t mean you should only serve vegan food to all of your guests.

7. Having a Cash Bar

This is a really common mistake. We understand that you are on a budget, but a cash bar is absolutely unacceptable. You are inviting your guests to celebrate with you, and as the hosts, you should never expect your guests to pay for anything while they are there. Would you host a dinner party at your house and expect them to pay you for the drinks? Treat a wedding the same way.

6. Treating Your Wedding Like a Fundraiser

Your wedding is a celebration. It is NOT a fundraiser to see what you can get. It is nice to receive gifts, but don’t nickel and dime yourguests. This photo is from Pinterest, a honeymoon fund jar placed on the bar at the wedding reception. It’s appalling to me that people would ask for MORE money to be given to them. First off you have a wedding shower, around here it is common to have a stag and doe, and you receive a wedding gift… how does anyone feel right asking for more money after that?

5. Not Providing a Cocktail Hour

If you have your wedding ceremony and reception at the same venue, you need to provide a cocktail hour for your guests while you take an hour or two for photos. Your guests will not want to travel anywhere if they don’t have to. You especially have to provide this when your venue is more then 15 minutes from where the majority of your guests live. 2 hours is a long time to sit around and do nothing but wait for the coupe to return…

4. Not Providing a Hand-Written Thank-You Card

I don’t know about you, but when I give a gift, I spend a lot of time picking it out. Yes I usually pick something off of the registry, but I spend a lot of time deciding which gift to get. Not receiving a thank you card is a kick in the face. You should always hand write your thank you cards and tell each guest how you are going to use their gift. You received the beautiful china you had on your registry that you really wanted but will probably never use? “Meagan, Thank you so much for the beautiful china set. Husband and I are going to cook a big meal for our parents to thank them for the wedding and we can’t wait to serve it on the china set you gave us. Love Wife and Husband.”

3. Asking For a Specific Type of Gift

Never ask for “cash only” gifts or expect guests to only get you something off of the registry. A gift is a gift and it is up to the guest what they give you. You should always accept it graciously.

2. Having a Second Guest-List

This is becoming really popular these days. “Oh we are on a budget so we could only invite ____ people, but you’re welcome to come after dinner. I’m sorry but I am not okay with that. If I’m not important enough to come for dinner, why should I be there afterwards? If they aren’t important enough for you to invite them to have dinner with you, then don’t invite them at all. If you really do want them there but it’s a money thing, serve less for dinner, try a cocktail reception for example.

And the Number 1 Do-Not-DO of All Time….

Ask people to pay for their wedding meals!!! Yes, this has happened. Thankfully not at any of the weddings I’ve been to, but there have been Couples who have either included in the invitation the cost of the wedding meal they had to pay, or that have just unexpectedly handed their guests dinner bills at the end of the night. THIS IS NOT OKAY!!

Please remember, although this is your wedding, your guests are important people. Treat them right, be a good host, and you will have a wedding that no one forgets(in a good way).